I realize that some of the things I’ve been writing have been…a bit heavy. The posts from the last two months are a result of contemplations sparked by a philosophy of theology class I took this past spring. I felt that this class really encouraged me to think about those things that I’d probably rather not think about.
I like to think…and I think all of the time.
But like most people, I push those thoughts that are uncomfortable, or even controversial, to the back of my mind. For me, it’s healthier to process ideas and thoughts even though I’d rather not think about them. It’s just the way I’m wired.
Sometimes, and this is the truth, I process things that confuse me (or something that I need to come to grips with) to such an extent that I don’t think about those bits of confusion again. There have been times that I have experienced such intense conflict, and then after processing the cause, effects and resolution of the conflict, I’ve had difficulty remembering what the conflict was to begin with.
Having said that, I still have so much to think about, so much to process, and so many questions. It seems that with each thought, many more questions bubble to the surface. With each idea or internal conflict that I process, more questions with what seems like exponentially more conflicts emerge. This is sometimes overwhelming, but mostly it reminds me that I’m very much alive. And then, with each conflicting idea or long-held belief I face, when I choose to walk into the middle of that conflict, I am most often glad I did because I feel released from the strongholds of those thoughts or beliefs…and free to run.
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. –Philippians 3:12-15
