I like to think…and I think all of the time.

But like most people, I push those thoughts that are uncomfortable, or even controversial, to the back of my mind.  For me, it’s healthier to process ideas and thoughts even though I’d rather not think about them.  It’s just the way I’m wired.

Sometimes, and this is the truth, I process things that confuse me (or something that I need to come to grips with) to such an extent that I don’t think about those bits of confusion again.  There have been times that I have experienced such intense conflict, and then after processing the cause, effects and resolution of the conflict, I’ve had difficulty remembering what the conflict was to begin with.

Having said that, I still have so much to think about, so much to process, and so many questions.  It seems that with each thought, many more questions bubble to the surface.   With each idea or internal conflict that I process, more questions with what seems like exponentially more conflicts emerge.  This is sometimes overwhelming, but mostly it reminds me that I’m very much alive.  And then, with each conflicting idea or long-held belief I face, when I choose to walk into the middle of that conflict, I am most often glad I did because I feel released from the strongholds of those thoughts or beliefs…and free to run.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.  –Philippians 3:12-15

I’m definitely no expert about anything at all–but I keep going–keep moving forward. Recently, I had a talk with someone I really care about who’s been going through a challenging time. During the course of the conversation, he mentioned how frustrated he was with some of the decisions he’d made–woulda’s, coulda’s, shoulda’s. Now this whole idea of a lifelong journey permeates every aspect of my life and so the thing that immediately came to mind as we talked was this continuing journey we’re on. It was then that it dawned on me that whenever we look back at the things we “woulda, coulda, shoulda,” we aren’t looking forward. In other words, when we are looking backward at some of the things we’ve done or not done in our life, we’re not moving forward–we’re just standing there–not moving at all.

The verses above capture the best description of a spiritual journey that I know of.

We need to keep pressing on. Relient K’s song “Pressing On” gets this, too…

I think we’re going somewhere.
We’re on to something good here.
Out of mind, out of state.
Trying to keep my head on straight.
I think we’re going somewhere.
We’re on to something good here.
Adversity, we get around it.
Searched for joy, in you I found it.

Somewhere back there I left my worries all behind;
My problems fell out of the back of my mind.
We’re going and I’m never knowing (Never knowing) where we’re going.
To go back to where I was would just be wrong;
I’m pressing on.

Pressing on, all my distress is going, going, gone (Pressing on, pressing on).
And I won’t sit back, and take this anymore.
‘Cause I’m done with that, I’ve got one foot out the door.
And to go back where I was would just be wrong
I’m pressing on.

And to go back where I was would just be wrong
I’m pressing on . . .
On, pressing on, all my distress is going, going, gone (Pressing on, pressing on).
And I won’t sit back and take this anymore
‘Cause I’m done with that; I’ve got one foot out the door,
And to go back to where I was would just be wrong.
I’m pressing on.

You look down on me, but you don’t look down on me at all.
You smile and laugh, and I feel the love you have for me.
I think we’re going somewhere.
We’re on to something good here, and we’re gonna make it after all.